test and results

I am back home, thousands of km from JAR. It will be 2008 in a couple of days. So much has happened towards the end of 2007. So much beyond my expectations.

I missed JAR alot more than I usually did after a vacation. I am still missing him.

I do not recommend long distance relationships even to my worst enemy.

This is the way JAR and I have had it for so many years but then it was more friendship with a loving touch but now it has progressed to something more certain and deeper.

We had a frightening awakening a week after I got home. JAR's brother, BR, who is a vet for many Hollywood stars was diagnosed with prostate cancer. A neighbor of his had recently died of it so he went for his PSA test. It is a prostate specific antigen test which tells u if your protein level is too high....if it is, they will carry out further tests. BR had a high reading of 8. They then did a biopsy test and he tested positive for 14 out of the 16 samples taken. BR has opted to have an operation to remove the glands.

JAR immediately took a PSA test upon learning of his brother's predicament. Unfortunetely the lab did not do the correct test, doing a normal blood test for cholesterol, etc instead. Thus our worry period was prolonged by a few more days.

Thank god, the final outcome showed that JAr had a low protein reading. I was so relieved and felt blessed.

JAR is physically so far away so when we face with such an anxiety period, we burn the emails and phone lines. I was a mess, worrying about the worst case scenarios.

I felt the bigger need to be with him with this incident.

I have briefly discussed the possibilities with my mom and my sisters.

My mom seems ready for me to go away from her. I do worry about leaving her but I have always known that my mom is a survivor. Even if all her kids died before her, I know my mom will survive.

But I would want to come back often to see her.

I know JAR is also stressed and worried about the changes he would have to go thru.

Even if u are not religious, the thought of conversion will scare most good men.

I am also worried about that but at least one of us need to be confident that it will work out. Can I play that role? I alternate from being confident to being sacred out of my wits.