maze

Its Sunday morning.

The two cute little girls were discharged from the hospital on Friday.

After driving them all home I decided that I needed some pampering. Went to the hair salon and got some highlights. I loved the results! I look refreshed.

I've had a tiring week physically and emotionally. Everyday I would drive straight to the hospital from work. Spent some happy quality time (even tho some days they can get quite cranky) with the nieces. Though it was good, it did drain me physically cos I would have been up since 5 in the morning, been thru the city traffic, work and more work prior to that.

Emotionally I am also in a bind.

JAR is in an anxiety attack mode. He is still bothered by his past experience in marriage. Needless to say, it was not a happy one. Thru him, I learnt what it was to live with a bipolar personality. Apparently, it kills the part of u that trusts a loved one.

JAR is also worried about the changes that is expected of him before marrying me.

I understand the hesitancy but it does not mean I like it.

I am learning the meaning of patience thru a difficult time.

There are things that a person must get over on his own strength and willingness.

Loving alone does not make a marriage. Neither does being afraid.

I too am scared but I havent had the chance to express that. I have had to play the 'strong' role...both to JAR and my family. Its tough being strong.

I AM afraid of the future too.

When my mom is gone, I will be alone...either in terms of life and living.

JAR seems to be the continuation of life for me. We are most comfortable and each other's company. We are best buddies. We fit mentally, emotionally and physically.

We are each not too rich nor too poor for the other.

I can only hope and pray that JAR can move on immediately.

Its February and time is speeding on.

Many times I feel like screaming at him sometimes but it would benefit no one if I did that.