test and results

I am back home, thousands of km from JAR. It will be 2008 in a couple of days. So much has happened towards the end of 2007. So much beyond my expectations.

I missed JAR alot more than I usually did after a vacation. I am still missing him.

I do not recommend long distance relationships even to my worst enemy.

This is the way JAR and I have had it for so many years but then it was more friendship with a loving touch but now it has progressed to something more certain and deeper.

We had a frightening awakening a week after I got home. JAR's brother, BR, who is a vet for many Hollywood stars was diagnosed with prostate cancer. A neighbor of his had recently died of it so he went for his PSA test. It is a prostate specific antigen test which tells u if your protein level is too high....if it is, they will carry out further tests. BR had a high reading of 8. They then did a biopsy test and he tested positive for 14 out of the 16 samples taken. BR has opted to have an operation to remove the glands.

JAR immediately took a PSA test upon learning of his brother's predicament. Unfortunetely the lab did not do the correct test, doing a normal blood test for cholesterol, etc instead. Thus our worry period was prolonged by a few more days.

Thank god, the final outcome showed that JAr had a low protein reading. I was so relieved and felt blessed.

JAR is physically so far away so when we face with such an anxiety period, we burn the emails and phone lines. I was a mess, worrying about the worst case scenarios.

I felt the bigger need to be with him with this incident.

I have briefly discussed the possibilities with my mom and my sisters.

My mom seems ready for me to go away from her. I do worry about leaving her but I have always known that my mom is a survivor. Even if all her kids died before her, I know my mom will survive.

But I would want to come back often to see her.

I know JAR is also stressed and worried about the changes he would have to go thru.

Even if u are not religious, the thought of conversion will scare most good men.

I am also worried about that but at least one of us need to be confident that it will work out. Can I play that role? I alternate from being confident to being sacred out of my wits.

Love, at last

JAR and I have talked alot about the future. Sometimes we both get too scared. Sometimes one of us is more sacred than the other. But we both know that we are about to reach a very important cross road.
There are many bridges to cross. We come from different cultures and religions. Yet there are more similarities than there are differences.
JAR asks where do we stay if we commit to each other? His country? Mine?
I say we try moving about for a bit. Then we make the final choice. Of course to me, my personal choice is to settle in my country but if I need to move, someday, eapecially if my mom is not around......I will, for him.
JAR asks if we make the commitment in his country or mine? This one I have a definite answer....mine. I need to share the occasion with my family. I need to have it done according to my religion and culture. I need to introduce him to the many cousins and relatives whom I have hidden him from all these years.
Tomorrow is my flight home. I have a sprained ankle due to a fall at Hearst Castle. My foot is in pain but my heart is singing so many melodies.
The most important thing from this visit is that we finally recognise and declare and pronounce our love for each other.
I love you JAR!

High times

On vacation.
Met JAR on Wednesday. Its so good to meet up again. He hasnt changed much. At least not in looks. I do look forwards to his hair cut appointment on Tuesday cos I know he will look much much better then. Thats the thing about guys....they dont know the precious worth of a good hair stylist.
We drove thru the LA Friday traffic towards Catalina jetty. JAR had carefully estimated the time we would need for the trip, except that he had no idea that there would be a big traffic mess on the 10. We detoured but still did not manage to escape the bad jam. We finally made it to the passenger entrance at 4.58 for the 5 o'clock ferry. The final boarders and we carried our own bags too. The earlier passengers had their bags placed in a separate compartment. Noe thats a blood rushing entrance if u need one. (however, my adventures with JAR has prepared me enough for this....we VERY often have these dramatic arrivals and entrances).
Santa Catalina is a wonderful place for a holiday. No busy streets, very few cars, lots of shops.....downside is its expensive! You could rent golf carts and drive yourself around. We did and we saw the island from so many angles. You could also get on bus tours on a 1950's bus....thats also fun but a little boring if u do not get a window seat.
Food....there's some marvellous retaurants there too. Our masseurs recommended us to eat at Steve's....and it was a good choice. We had the clam chowder, kebabs specials and for desert, we had the delicious mud pies! I'd go there again!
The weekend ended way too fast but JAR sprung another surprise when he got us to leave not on the ferry but on a helicopter!!! This is maybe my third heli ride with JAR...one over the Grand canyon, the second was when we left the Colorado River ride down the canyon and now this.
Since I've been here, we've seen a couple of movies (Lion for Lambs, Bee Movie)....which I have also enjoyed. JAR also took me to eat my all time favourite Tri Tip Roast (on my first night here...he always does that, pleasing me and making me so welcomed!)
I am on a high right now even tho there has been some tears. The great thing is we've had a few heart-to-heart talks the past few nights.
Time to sign out. Vacations are high times!