Healing

It is now over a week since my operation and I am healing well.
The surgery was on a Friday so I had the weekend to begin the recuperation.

My lovely eldest niece volunteered to keep me company for the first night so I decided to go back to my place and not to either my mom's or my eldest sister's.
They both offered but I was more comfortable to be at my home.
Niece and I had lovely long chats.
My wonderful nephew who spent the night with me at the hospital during my previous surgery came over that night and we talked for a long time even tho I was supposed to be resting.
It is great that the kids are growing up yet still care enough about their aunt to spend time with me :-)

The next day my mom and little nieces came over.
We had lunch and I was strong enough not to be in bed.

Monday came soon enough and I decided to go to work even though technically I had the whole week off.
I decided that I would heal faster if I was doing the things that I love doing.
Of course I did not work at my normal rate and speed.
I was just enjoying doing what I felt capable of doing.
I left for home early and nobody denied me that.
That was how it was for the next few days.
Then I decided to spend a couple of nights at my mom's.

Mom is now the process of selling off another one of her properties.
I think that is a good thing.
She is no longer strong enough to be taking care of too many stuff.
My youngest brother and I accompanied her to a meeting with the buyer.
That was interesting.

I am now home for the weekend.
My old netbook is now giving problems so I took it to the shop for reformatting.
Thank goodness I had bought a new one just before I was hospitalised.
The old one is about to retire.
There will a new one to replace.
Life goes on, as usual.

2011 - first challenge

I shall work until lunch hour tomorrow.
There are some things there I need to settle.
Then come lunch time, I shall return to my condo.
My eldest sister is due to give me a ride to the hospital.

Yes it is almost time for the surgery.
Friday.
This is 2011.
But it is almost like 2009 all over again.
December 2009 = January 2011
Another time to go under the surgeon's knife.

Let me relate the 'crusade' that I had against the insurance company.
Right after they set my operation date, I went to book the hospital room.
Asked them to check my medical benefits as per the insurance company.
To my shock I was told I needed to pay first and make my claims from the insurance later.
I am aware that that is the modus operandi of some insurance companies but I have the same one that I had in 2009 when they settled my bills with a guarantee letter so i did not need to fork out a cent.
The insurance company claims that the teaching hospital is not on their list of panel hospitals so THAT is the reason I need to pay first.
Rubbish is my view on that excuse.
I made many phone calls and actually went to see whoever I thought could help me fight my case.
Finally this evening I was informed that the insurance company has agreed to make an exception for my case.
They will pay without me having to pay first.
I hope they will seriously follow this through.
I will know tomorrow.
For now I shall still be wary.
They can always change their minds.

I have a lot of energy when I am tensed or angry.
Right now I am both.

Thank you Roem for ur doa (prayers).
I actually find that this time around I am getting 'help' from people who do not even know me in person.
I am humbled by this God's gift for me.

Yes, I am pained by the could-not-be-bothered treatment I am getting from someone who I thought I mattered to for more than 13 years.
Not an email. Not a message. Not a phone call.
He was one of the first people I notified of what I needed to go through yet again.
Just a short note in reply.
So there.

However, I am getting support from so many.
I really appreciate every single kind thought and word.
God bless u all.

Cyber writing

I created 'Cyber Me' as a place to express myself.
I have always loved to read and write.
As I grew up and got more 'educated' I found that I had less time to read what I loved to read cos I spent more time reading what I had to read.
I wrote more too as I worked but it was not stuff from my heart and deep feelings.
My late dad used to write in his diaries which I thought was cute - he wrote about the simple things that happened daily.
The internet came along and Lo! Be Hold! U could publish and let others read what u wrote AND still remain anonymous.
I had found the place perfect for me.
I started writing, initially believing I wrote just for me.
I did not need to censor my thoughts and feelings.
I just never write real names involved.
Then I got comments on my blog.
It did give me a good feeling that I was actually being read.
I made friends with the respondents.
Some came and went, disappearing leaving no trace.
But there are those who do stick around for a bit.
There is Terry, my Canadian friend.
She is a nice housewife who has many internet friends.
She has many challenges in the IRL being but she takes the trouble to stay in touch with my blog.
Roem is another friend on the internet too.
I used to peek at his interesting blog and had made a comment or two.
Then I got busy and did not go for a bit but Roem took the trouble to look me up here.
I appreciate the kindness of these two never-met-before-IRL friends.
The only trouble is that I am a bit more careful of what and how I write in 'Cyber Me'
Its like I am unable to be too rude when I know I have friends watching me here.

Right now I have some issues to settle IRL.
I may not be able to respond as I normally do.
Many times I felt I needed to really let off steam here, maybe even say a swear word or two in the process.
But I haven't. I didn't.
I need to write. I need a bit of space too.

3.30 am. Been awake since an hour ago.
Chest hurts yet again.
Throat hurts too. Got some lozenges. Brushed teeth first.

Thank God there is work tomorrow.
That is where I am most OK for now.

what I need right now

Brain tired. Emotionally exhausted.
Need deep sleep
Very deep sleep so that I do not think or feel for a while.
And then wake up to a different world.

Cry as u resolve.

I like Face-book because it is inter-active.
U get almost immediate response to whatever u put up there.
U can get people to just state they like what u wrote.
In fact, u can say u like what u wrote if u so wish.
U can put up pictures and links and really bring people into ur life.

FB however, does not allow u to write to ur heart's content.
They limit the number of characters u can write on ur status.
So u cannot really express in words all that u feel.

I still need this blog to sometimes cry out my thoughts and feelings.

Today is 1 January 2011.
I wrote on my FB about not having any new year's resolutions this time.
Just wanting to 'clean-up' my life....and move forwards.
So easy to say. So hard to live up to.

I have had tears over what I might have to let go.
Not any material items. I do not cry over those.

Some ties are easy to let go off.
U meet people u initially thought were good for enriching ur life and then in a couple of weeks u see sides of them that do not do so.
Those u can easily say goodbye to.

Some have been around for too long.
U just hang in there maybe because u remember the good earlier days and think they may come again.
Some times there are good spots in the relationship so u continue to hang on.

Some people u give excuses for.
Maybe its because u do or did love them.
But u need to look hard into the relationship.

When some one doesn't love u the way u deserve to be loved, u need to let go.
If it is so hard for him to say he loves u without choking or trying to hide it, or saying it cos u say it so he has to say it ...... u know u have to let go.
U have held on for long enough.
Move on.

Respect is an important part of loving.
U have to understand what is important to the life, culture, religion, community of the person u love.
The moment u forget, then that means u have forgotten an important part of the loving.
Or maybe it means u have stopped ur part of the loving.

So, clean up ur life.
This is a good time to do so.
Its OK to cry as u do it.
Its OK to cry.