Why I need 'alone' time.

Never realized this until recently.

I used to believe that I was a 'people' person.
Yes, the kind who loves being with others.
Probably I still am; cos I do enjoy being with family, friends and even strangers who soon after would no longer be a stranger.

As I mature, I found that I do appreciate 'alone' time.
Time when I am allowed (by myself) to do what I please, think as I please.
I find that I am rejuvenated by this.

There are even days when it is not the matter of being 'rejuvenated' but just the matter of pure 'survival'.
My 'presence' has been needed by some members of my immediate family recently as they underwent some turmoil.
I did not need to be a big 'player' in the situation - just to be there for love and support.
We are still at that stage and I think this will take a bit more time.
Loving and giving is not a difficult job.

Still, at the end of it, I needed time on my own.
To just be able to 'breathe'.

Work-wise I am coping pretty well.
The 'project' that I said would take the X number of months is almost at its end.
I have survived it, even tho I still need to follow-up for months to come.

Life on the whole is going well.
Never perfect but I will settle for 'manageable'.
I am o.k.
I am good.
:-)

Deserving a chance

I know of a very pleasant 24 year old Chinese boy who is doing a business degree in Japan who had to leave his studies to return home due to the recent earthquake and Tsunami.
His mom is an old friend of mine. I know that he has inherited a lot of the goodness from his lovely mom.

He was home for the recent Chinese New Year holidays and had, for the first time, brought home his girlfriend a mixed Japanese/Chinese who speaks 4 languages. Pretty lovely girl too.
They had returned to Japan where he was to do his final four papers when the earthquake struck. He was at home and she was at the tube station. Thank goodness, they both survived and are safe.

His family immediately directed him to take a flight back home. Wise decision. That was pre-radiation days.

He left with barely anything, taking his GF with him.
They are both here and are now faced with reality.
His parents had financed his tuition fees but he had worked long hours even as a dishwasher to pay his rent and food.
He feels that there is no way for him to return to his studies as life in Japan will now drastically change.
He is sad and frustrated that he is actually so close to graduation (only 4 papers left to go).

Today I met him and his GF and we talked.
I suggested that he write to his university and apply for a year's leave.

He wants to work. He says he knows he has not the paper qualifications but he is willing to work doubly hard to prove himself.
He deserves a chance.
He has a heart and is loved by all who know him. Young and old.
He is someone who has that special character that is not easily found, not even in his siblings and cousins.

Do u know of any possibilities for him? Possible jobs?
I have his number but I told him when I took it that I do not have a vast network that might be helpful but he said, it is ok. The fact that I cared enough was what mattered.

We come from different ethnic and religious backgrounds but he is one person I would help any day.
If u are in a position to also help, please let me know.
Thanks so much.

Weak weekend

Returned to my condo on Saturday morning after a night at my mom's cos I was not feeling very well.
Took a couple of asprins and slept the afternoon away.

Got up Sunday morning feeling better.
Decided to cook an early lunch which turned out to be a good thing.
After lunch I started to feel weak again and rested most of the day.
I did manage to draft a list of some of the things I plan to take along on my still months away vacation this weekend.

It is now Sunday night and I just realized that I have not interacted with another human being either than a phone call to my mom early this morning and a LD call to my buddy.
It is OK cos I am quite comfortable with my own company sometimes :-)

Next week many things are due to happen.
My niece has her birthday.
My nephew leaves for Egypt after an unexpected vacation back home due to the unrest.

I am kinda looking forwards to Monday at work cos I want to interact with another human being soon. :-)

Medical tests

I got up at almost 3am this morning.
My body clock woke me up as it automatically knew my mind wanted me to be up.
I immediately grabbed my hand/phone and true enough there was a text message.
I was told earlier that the info might be sent via my email and I could check both through my hand/phone but it was there in text message.
It simply said that it was NOT a tumor, just a couple of cyst.
Those were such wonderful words.

I had been praying and hoping that it would not be anything potentially bad.
My VIB (very important buddy) informed me a couple of days ago that he had done an ultrasound test as recommended by his doctors.
And I am most thankful yet another potential disaster has not materialized.
A couple of years ago, it was a Colonoscopy test that was ordered because of their family history.
These are important people in my life so, of course I worry when there is a medical test to be taken.

When u are worried about one particular problem and it gets solved the best way it possibly can, u are filled with thankfulness and may even feel that u could not worry as much ever again ....until the NEXT problem crops up. :-)

This time, however I do know the next problem before even before this one is solved.
But I believe I am ready for it.
I shall continue praying and whatever God decides is whatever He knows is the best outcome for the future.

New Friends

I used to get readers/visitors here from the USA and Canada besides locally.
Lately, there have been visitors from Japan, China, Russia and even Brazil!
Isn't that lovely?
Welcome!

It is almost the weekend here.
Initially I had planned a Hang-Out time with my nephews and nieces since it is also the start of the school holidays (1 week) here.
But the plans grew and right now it has become a family gathering at my sister's place.
I am excited!

Most of us will be turning up for the get-together except my brother who is planning to visit his in-laws to talk to them before his court hearing on the divorce due almost end of the month.
My brother is a gentleman and it is so sad that SIL is blinded to that.
She feels that he is lacking financially but the truth is he is being a careful spender as his kids will need the money for the future.
I believe she does not know how much he actually has. Thank God.
She spends like she owns the bank but she does not have the money, really.
Latest we found was she had borrowed from 'friends' and did not pay them back.
Actually she has also borrowed from my mom and I (also unpaid after years).
She loves branded goods, goes to the beauty salon every few days, and well, just spends.
Even her so-called friends, irritated that she did not pay them commented to her face about her spending.
Guess what? She says "Its MY money so I spend as I want"
The woman forgets that she had borrowed the money earlier from the friend.
I do not like writing about this but it is a form of therapy.
Need to get it off my chest and it is worse if I told people IRL.
She probably has found a new 'friend' for her future and maybe that is why she feels she needs to leave.

God bless my brother and little nieces.
Sometimes removal of a diseased limb will save the life of the person.

car wash and book readings

Last weekend I was at my brother's place and we all ended up washing our cars.
My little niece loved being allowed to play with the soap and water (as did I).
It has been a long time since I had physically washed my own car.
Usually I just go over to the car wash and $8 to $10 later, the car is cleaned.
It is a lot more fun to wash the car with all the family noises around u.
Only problem for me was the aftermath was an aching back that still has not diminished by Wednesday.
Ahhhh....not many more physical washing of my own car for me.

I am reading a book called 'The Japanese Lover' set in the early 1900's.
It is about the war torn times when the Japanese plundered through South East Asia.
It is about a girl from India whose father tried to trick a very rich man in Malaya to marry her.
The storyline sounded promising and the book had some good moments.
Overall I do not think it was that great a book (still have not completed it yet) as no many characters got developed, and some characters were too unbelievable with the supposed backgrounds they were said to have.
But it was a change from the other books I have read.

I loved reading about the Empress Dowager of China by Amchee Min.
That was fiction inter-twined with real history.
(How could the author know the thoughts and feelings of the heroin who died and did not leave her own writings?)

I also enjoyed the writings of Jean Sasson on the women's lives in the Middle East.

Actually I am happy that I have been able to upkeep my new year's resolutions of reading even when it is not during my vacation times.
I just left the books in the bathrooms and read whenever I need to use the throne.
Two pages a day will 14 make a week!
Of course I read more over the weekends.

I shall need to go buy more books soon.
More books also mean I have more to write off for my income taxes.
Yay!

Redha

'God works in mysterious ways.'

Sometimes u need to hold on to that thought.
U see a problem and u think u know what will solve it.
U try.
U pray that it will get solved the way u saw it being solved.
U try hard. Then u try even harder.
It seems like ur prayers are not being heard.

Rather than giving up, u rest and leave it to the hands of the Almighty.
There are changes that need to happen.
U do not want the little ones to experience pain so u pray that the problem be avoided.
U do not know that the 'pain' is the initiator for greatness.
U do not understand at this point that He needed to remove what will potentially be even greater harm for the future of the little ones.
U need to trust that when u pray and ask, He gives u even more than u asked for and solves more than just the current issues.

U are unable to foresee the future.
U just trust after u have done all u humanly can to stop the rot.
It will be ok.
Do not fight the flow.
Accept.
Redha.

pleasure and thoughts

Today I passed on an opportunity that would have given me (undoubtedly) physical pleasure.

One group of people would say it is sad to miss on something that does not come about on an every day basis.
Another group would applaud me cos it is 'the right thing to do'.

What do I feel?

Right now I am still too close to it so my opinion is subject to changes on a minute-by-minute basis.
The opportunity perhaps should not have been wasted.
The after math should also be considered.

What I do know is I am my own person.
I may live in a society where there are strict norms.
I may love living the life that I do have.
I may appear to conform to the requirements of society.
But I know that no one controls my mind.

Many people go thru life not realizing that they do not have control of their own thoughts.
Every thought is based on what others tell them, or what the law tells them, or what books written by others in times before theirs that tells them or maybe.....even what they perceive their religion tells them.
I do go by what each of the above tells me, yet I do have a place in my mind where I can think and decide for myself if I agree to do so.

Rested this weekend.
Maybe that is the best thing to do cos next week will continue to be busy times at work.

Exhaustion FB cure

Tired.
Work has been my main focus since Sunday and by Wednesday it was all just too much.
I am mentally exhausted but it is not time for vacation for a long while yet.
Even the weekend is still days away.

In this day and age, we all get this sort of mental tiredness so we need to use the modern day solution for it too.
I find that having my facebook on whilst I do my work on the computer does wonders!
I am not on the FB page obviously as I would be doing my work either on my main PC at work or my laptop.
At regular intervals, i would restmy eyes and mind by popping in to see what funny, cute, horrifying and lovable stuff was being put up on my FB friend's pages.
U do not need to do anything, it is all on the news feed in FB.

FB reflects sides of people that u never knew existed.
I believe that my friends and relatives were sometimes surprised to see sides of me that never reflected in front of them......actually we are all made up of different facets and we tend to show the one or two facets to each of our friends.

I do not enjoy everything that friends put up so I ignore those that I do not.
Some people choose tp put up links or writings on religion.
Religion to me is a personal choice and not something I would enjoy having thrown down my throat.

Kids have a different language. Sometimes they use seemingly rougher language but I am not put off by that.
I try to read what they are trying to communicate with each other and I also do not comment on their personal discussions. Make them forget that an adult is also reading or else they will not let u read in the future.

I am looking forwards to a restful weekend (if I can get one!)
My next vacation is months away but I am working hard towards it.
When I was a teenager I was selected to study in the USA but (long story) did not go then.
I am hoping and planning to go visit the town/ now city that I would have gone then.
Maybe see if it is possible how different my life would have turn out otherwise.
I hope my friends in the USA will put up with this request.

Now I must go rest.
Sleep.