Lump 6 - Unofficial result

My next appointment with the specialist is still two weeks away.
My sister (holding the post that she does) has access to the lab information.
She was given the requested info and she told me that its NOT malignant!
Thank God.
I still have to go see the specialist for the next step.
But a huge weight is taken off my shoulders.
The main worry of the Lump being cancerous is now removed.

Am having such a busy time at work.
Feeling totally exhausted by Friday evening.
Will rest as much as possible.
Have to go to work this Sunday too.
I am ok with this.
It all just means that my vacation period is that much nearer.

I still have not felt the full euphoria of the good news.
Am totally thankful to God for it.
Just still feeling cautious too.
The Lump is still there but its not a killer.

Lump 5

Wednesday.
Peak time at work about to begin.
Bring it on!

When u r busy, its also time u tend to get more creative.
I channel my thoughts via my blog when there is a short break.
It helps to keep me focused.

I will be working this Sunday too.
Thus I shall make sure Saturday is a day of fun as well as rest.

The biopsy has left the left side of my right breast feeling rather hard.
I have more friends in the know and its ok.
I appreciate it when they listen and are concerned.
However I dont keep all my conversations just about the Lump.
Life is not going to be that boring for me.
The closure (I hope!) should be in a couple of weeks.

The cleaners for my condo come every fortnight.
They were there yesterday.
On every visit I learn from them what are the best detergent or floor cleaner or toilet cleaner or type of wash cloth or mop or whatever that are available in the market.
Each person is an expert in what they do, so the cleaners are the best persons to tell me the truths about the various cleansers in the market.
People miss out the opportunity to learn from the 'experts' mostly because they only identify experts via formal qualifications.

OK time to go back to work.

A Short Break from TheLump Story

Taking a break from my lump stories (kinda sound like Love Story of Ali McGraw and Ryan O ONeal fame doesnt it?).
Its the waiting period but I wont waste time just waiting.

On Sunday I decided to do a little quick baking. Cooking is not my forte and neither is baking.
Made some walnut chocolate fudge cookies using the Pilsbury packet.
So easy...add eggs, add oil, add water to the cake mixture, add the walnuts, stir it with a wooden spoon and bake it.
Huh! They didnt know that it will be ME who bakes it.
Greased the tray and put in the mixture.
Into the oven it all went and of course it got slightly burnt.
I cut out the edges and brought the rest of the cut pieces to work.
Anyways I am enjoying the unburnt parts and a cup of tea as I type this.

This week begins well with a reasonable amount of stuff to do at work.
I am able to clean up some of the mess (read as dust and dirt) in my office.
I prefer clean to messy anytime but I do allow the place to get a little on the messy side when there is a wave of heavy work load.
Afterwards I get it cleaned up.
The same goes for my bedroom (when I used to live at my parents' house) or my own house.
I know I will never be put on Oprah for the very dirty house series but neither will I get a place on the absolutely-clean-all-the time ones.

My mom has sent her car for repainting.
She still drives around for her groceries, newspapers, bi-annual medical check ups and banking needs.
However she needs the rest of us to drive her for anywhere else, even her to her kid's homes.
Mom will be car-less for 10 days.
Actually she does not need to repaint the car (no doubt it has some scratches from the gate, etc).
She was thinking of getting a new one soon but looks like that idea has been put aside for a bit.

From wednesday onwards I shall be busier at work.
Will update when I can.

Lump 4

It took longer than the normal person would for the bleeding to stop.
The incision for the biopsy made the breast tissue turn hard and felt tender for about two days.
U have to be careful not to let ur breast hit or be hit by any objects cos it would hurt.
Otherwise life goes on as normal.
Just the usual hassle of rearranging my schedules so that I will be free on the date of my next hospital appointment.

Now that I am on the waiting period, my focus seems to broaden and suddenly I see again the other aspects of my life.
I do find that I am a little more sensitive and I react more strongly than I usually do.
My niece gave me a phone call to ask about how I was doing.
She seemed in a hurry and was rather abrupt in the way she spoke.
My guess is her mom told her about my current situation and made her give me the call.
I was not pleased and after the call made a cyber notice to my family about not needing to call unless with sincerity.
I believe my niece got it that the message was directed to her.
I do not regret letting a younger one know when they over step the line.
Even if my time on earth gets limited, I still believe in discipline as part of educating.
I love the kids but I know that loving with discipline is important.

Having known JAR for over a decade I know that he is not one to express his inner feelings easily.
He's had to learn as an adult to do that.
When u face a situation when ur life might take a totally new turn, u normally need strong support.
I try to see every inch of support JAR gives me as a strong pillar.
Once in the middle of my night I got a text message from him saying that everything will be ok.
I hope so.

The main source of strength must come from within myself.
Its ok for me to cry sometimes but I shall not do that any more than I really need to.
I am thankful for the support I get from friends even tho in actual fact I have only told two very close friends about it. At work I have made no mention of it. I play a role where I am as 'normal'.
My mom and other members of my family have been a tremendous help and I am deeply grateful.
I speak most freely here on this page and my friend Terry responds. I have never met her and probably never will but she is also a major help.
I feel the ups and downs of emotions but writing here is quite a good theraphy.
I am so thankful that the cyber world has been invented in time for me.
Lucky me!

Lump 3

Went to the teaching hospital where my sister is a dept head very early in the morning.
First u got to register and get a number.
I got to see my sister's new office with its personal bathroom and it was nice.
Its with her help that I was able to secure an appointment with the specialists so soon.
She also helped me tremendously today.
The prof. was not worried about the many cysts on my breasts cos they are not problematic.
The cysts might get too big and cause discomfort and when that happens u go get an aspiration where they poke a needle and 'suck out' the liquid.
The prof. was more concerned about my single fibroad and recommended that I do a biopsy.
Since I am on blood thinners, the safer procedure is for me to stop taking the blood thinners for a week and then do the biopsy.
I asked him what might happen if we did it today.
I am used to having bruises on my body complements of taking the medications and my clumsiness. I was willing to take the risk so it was arranged that I got a guided biopsy.
They make a tiny slit on ur breasts and poke in a gadget and thru it extracts some cells.
Local anesthetic is used so u dont feel any pain during the procedure.
All the medical staff were nice and helpful but I also found a number of new friends amongst the other patients.
They were well informed and willing to share their personal experience.
There was camaraderie amongst us as we waited our turns.
I have to wait till mid Nov till the lab is able to tell me the results of my biopsies.
More waiting. Its ok. I am hopeful.
Now I am on my bed at my condo.
The anesthetic is wearing off. I am starting to feel very uncomfortable.
Just took an asprin.
Will have an early night.
Tomorrow is a new day.

Lump 2

Told eldest sister. Told a friend at work.
No other announcements made.
Taking it one day at a time.
Went to the doctor's for ultra sound test and to collect the full report.
My breasts are categorised as dense so taking the xrays (mammogram) did not do the job.
An ultra sound would give a better picture
The ultrasound sound showed that there were 3 possible cysts and 1 fibroad.
Total now seen = 4.
Definitely more than the one I thought was there or the two that the doctor had felt during the test.
Need to see a specialist next to determine next step.
Aspiration? Biopsy?
We now know that there's something there but we dont know if they are good or bad. Benign or malignant.
The scary part isnt over.
Maybe it hasnt even started. (Hope not!)
I am hopeful.
Mentally I am psyching myself.
I know that when a challenge comes. it is always followed by an opportunity.
An appointment with the breast specialist has been made.

Lump

Today I really needed this blog.
So much is happening and it will determine how the future will be.
I discovered a lump on my right breast two weeks ago.
Not my first lump. I found one on my left breast over a decade ago.
The doctor then told me to wait till after my period to see its development and then see her again.
After my period, the lump kinda disappeared and I did not go to the doctor.
This time I did the same thing. Waited till my period was over to go see the doctor.
The lump remained so to the doctor I went.
She found two lumps one and a half centimeters in diameter.
She recommended that I do a mammogram and a biopsy.
I immediately went to the Xray specialist for my very first mammogram.
They squeeze your breast and take xrays from the top and side.
A friend once told me that it hurts but for me it was a very minor pain.
The xray specialist doctor was not in but the xray technician took the xrays .
She ((technician) recommended that I come for an ultra sound next week when I come to collect the doctor's report.
First family member I text to was my second sister who is an anesthetist (specialist doctor) and consultant in a teaching hospital. From her I learnt that she had actually had a lump removed from her breast several years ago (none of us knew about it!) She continues to have several cyst on her breast but they are not a worrying factor. She just goes for mammograms every year to keep them in check. It really helps me talking to my sister. She was able to make me worry less about my situation. She says that I am prolly similar to her case. I hope so.
Next person I told was my mom, even tho I did not want to worry her.
However I need her prayers for me so I figured I should tell her.
I know she is very concerned even tho we both try to keep a normal front.
Next I emailed JAR. I should have called to tell him personally on the phone but I am not able to find the correct words or tone of voice. I am still not.
However, in my heart I am ready to let everyone I care for be free of me so that it will be easier for both them and me.
I told my youngest brother and sister in law next. They live with my mom so I needed to tell them so my mom could talk to them if she needed to. If she has to keep it a secret it might turn out stressful for her.
We all went out for brunch on Saturday. We tried a new German place where I shared a ribs plate with my SIL, brother had a tenderloin steak, mom had chicken. We share some ice cream too. It was a satisfying meal. Havent had one for quite a while. We shall return to this new place.
None of us talked about my situation. I am glad. It felt like a normal meal that we normally have.
Next week I shall have a busy week at work but I shall try to fit in some doctor's visits.
Second sis will help to arrange for me to meet the specialist at her hospital.
I need to get my ultra sound and doctor's reportss on it and the mammogram.
Its a trying weekend.
Yet I am happy inside.
I actually feel ready to go if God wants me now but I am asking him for some time to get my stuff in order.
I shall need to see a lawyer to make a will. Maybe that will be after the doctors.
I still havent told my eldest sister and other brother.
Yup, I have alot to do.

weekend with settled hormones

Once my hormones are ready to settle for the month, things generally go smoother.
Had a good weekend. Drove mom, SIL and two nieces to a cousin's open house.
Good food and boy! did we eat!

Sunday took mom out for lunch and some shopping.
We both bought a small sewing machine that was on sale.
Actually I had bought my mom a sewing machine that was almost identical to the one she had many years ago. That machine is kept at my mom's house and I dont think its used much!
The tiny sewing machines are supposed to be able to work on thick material like jeans and curtains.
I intend to try it on some new curtains that I bought for the glass door which was left unsewed on the bottom so that u can fit it to ur house height.
We'll see if my good intentions gets carried out.

JAR and brothers are home from their trip to visit their sister and their inherited farms.
It always calms me to know he's back home safe even if our homes are half a world apart.
Looks like his sister will not make the trip to visit me with him.
Thats a pity but I do understand since her husband is not well from some muscular disorder.
Maybe money is tight too.
Hopefully JAR gets someone else to accompany him on the proposed trip.
There is not too much time left to plan but I hope he'll make the trip happen.

Family values

Things have improved or settled down a bit.
Lady-who-passes-out-own-work-and-and-claim-credit was taken to task.
Apparently when people see u stand up to a wrong, it encourages them to do so to without u having to ask for their help :)
That was what happened and I am glad it all worked out well.

JAR and his brothers have gone to visit their farm and their sisters.
As is usual he texts me before the flight and upon arrival.
They have arrived safely.
Knowing this family has educated me on American family values.
I used to think that American family values differ from Asian family values (prolly got this from TV shows that I watch) but really we are all the same the world over.
They live separate lives but they always make it a point to gather and reunite.
They value each other and will stand up for the other when the need arises.

Thats the thing about family.
Too much of them and u get suffocated
Not enuff of them and u become deprived.

Thank God for the phone and internet.
Its almost as tho there's no difference where JAR is.
As worry wart I am still concerned about his safety
But he knows me well enuff by now to keep in touch constantly.

moods

As a woman, I have the usual cycle syndrome where I will have the days when I have hormonal mood swings. In fact I do realise that what I am feeling right now is strongly caused by that. But knowing that does not lessen the 'down' feelings that I go thru. It just makes me aware and that does help a little.
This month part of the 'down' is caused by the irritation of having a work colleague who does not do her job and is fond of making others do her work but will claim the credit instead. People are aware of the way she functions but most do let her get away with it. I don't intend to do that. I actually do stand up and directly inform her when she attempts to do so to me. However, I do not enjoy doing that and it does upset me that I have to do so but if I didn't I would be more upset and angry.
This is the part of the month when I tend to feel the loneliness that having a LDR brings about.
I look at my siblings and think how lucky they are that all their loved ones live with them.
Of course I do realise that I am also lucky that I do have people who love me across the world.
I am lucky that we stay connected and do not waste time having day-to-day silly arguments or disagreements. But I do miss being able to have a constant companion.
Much as I like the quiet alone times that I have in my condo, I do like being in the company of others too.
God will give me that when He is ready. Just two weeks ago I was blessed with a happening that I thought would not happen in my lifetime. I never even thought God would grant me that but He did. So I must trust that someday what I pray for shall happen even if I stop asking God for it. He knows best.

puppy question

Once upon a time he had a little puppy. It was one of those small cute white furry types. He loved the puppy.
That was during the phase when he was in the process of getting a divorce.
His wife came back to the house to collect some things and when she reversed the car, she knocked down the puppy. Little puppy did not survive.
He buried his little friend at the garden of his huge house.
Several years passed.
He is now legally divorced ( but not before going thru a lot of hassle with the lawyers and ex).
His huge house is sold. His debts are paid. He made a lump sum payment to the ex so that she would never bother him again.
He lived for a few years in his brother's house.
Then things began to look upwards for him.
He became financially stronger.
He bought a new house. It was alot smaller than his old one but it was comfortble and homely with a beautiful garden.
Now he thinks of getting a new puppy.
Personally I think that with his lifestyle, he should not.
He travels often and the puppy would be left behind just as his African Grey parrot.
It also is not good for the bird but he/she is used to it.
I don't know how to tell him about not getting the puppy.
I know it will make him happy but would it be fair to the puppy?